don't you tell me how i feel.


guest post: “hello” from andrew by don't you tell me how i feel.
June 21, 2011, 11:48 am
Filed under: guest post, Shit I Like, Shit I Was Late on

Man, nothing’s worse than finding out some stupid TV commercial has co-opted one of your favorite songs just to sell some stupid product, right?

WRONG. Here’s what’s worse: Stumbling across a random song you’re sure no one’s heard of, falling head-over-heels for it, bragging to your friends about your discovery, then discovering that you’re way behind the times, that the song was an international hit 9 months ago, and everyone already associates it with some chewing gum commercial you’ve apparently never seen. THAT’s the worst thing in the world (aside from genocide and Juggalos, of course).

I’m driving to work the other day in the wee hours of a Tuesday morning. The BBC isn’t holding my attention, the Wall Street Journal Report is in the middle of a commercial break, and there’s no mention of the Mariners on my sports station. So I flip on over to Movin’ 92, where there’s a 99.9% chance I’ll find some Rihanna jam that will tide me over for the last few minutes of my drive.

But this particular morning, Movin’ 92 has a surprise for me. The song starts with some hand claps and the catchiest of catchy beats. Then a single, distorted guitar chord draws itself out over several measures. Then a woman starts singing about how she likes me okay, but she’s just here to hang out and have a good time, so I shouldn’t get any fresh ideas.

Oooh man. I am in love.

I race to the office, fire up my computer, and start Googling the hell out of the lyrics I can remember. I soon I find my prize: That song I just heard is called “Hello” by some dude named Martin Solveig. Who the hell is that? No one knows! I spend the next two days telling everyone about my discovery. Except it’s not a discovery at all. Everyone looks at me like I just stumbled out of Encino Man. “Uh, yeah,” they say. “It’s that song from the gum commercial.” Even the woman who sits in the cubicle across from me – the middle-aged woman who prefers Toby Keith to Of Montreal – rolls her eyes a little. “You don’t know that song?” she says. “It’s by that French guy. Martin something.”

WHAT the WHAT? If everyone already knows about this song, why didn’t anyone bother to tell me? Christ almighty. Why have all my friends failed me? They know I love hand claps! They know I like sugary female vocalists singing shallow lyrics. They know this song would appeal to me in every way! No one could bother to hip me to this tune? Thanks a lot, friendos. Thanks a lot indeed.

Of course, I’m not being fair. It’s my fault for living under a rock of my own making for the past year or so – a rock constructed solely of my obsession with talk radio, Mario Cart, and Mariners baseball. But still. No one could have taken a moment to ask themselves, “Hey, I wonder if ol’ Andrew has heard this song. I’ll bet he’d dig it the most.”

So, please, the next time you hear a song that you think might appeal to me, shoot me a link, will you? It’ll save you from reading overly windy blog posts in the future.

(On a related note, has anyone checked out this band The Beatles? They’re pretty badass. They remind me of Oasis, sort of.)

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