don't you tell me how i feel.


staind by v
November 16, 2010, 1:40 pm
Filed under: 80s, moviezz, shit i sort of like

hahaha no. i was just trying to scare you with that headline.

ahem.

I recently watched the ’80s film Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains, featuring a very young and very adorable Diane Lane as Corinne Burns, the Stains’ precocious chain-smoking, wrath-spitting frontwoman. The movie was apparently shelved until a few years ago because Paramount had no idea how to sell a movie about an orphaned teen fronting a riot grrl band that takes the country by storm. Hmm.

The Stains come from a dead-end Pennsylvania town and have no ostensible talent (or drummer, for that matter). But they do have angst, creative hairstyles and legions of screaming female fans, a.k.a. Skunks, who don red leotards to emulate their teen idols. This adulation, of course, comes to an end when Corinne’s sometime-paramour, frontman for the Other Band on the Tour, gets pissed at the crowd of Skunks booing him and retaliates by revealing the Stains’ money-grubbing ways. Then, as fickle little girls are wont to do, the skunks abandon skunkhood for the next big thing. Awww. Poor Stainies.

In addition to this oh-so-tragic storyline, the film also features:

1 rastafarian tour bus driver who offers boundless hard-won wisdom
1 mother who begrudgingly expresses pride at her daughter’s new rock and roll lifestyle
1 news anchor who seems to solely follow the Skunk beat (female)
1 news anchor who viciously lambasts his co-anchor’s fixation with the Stains on the air (male)
2 members of the Sex Pistols
1 member of the Clash
1 rock-star death by OD

I wouldn’t call it fantastic, but it’s worth watching if only to see Corinne apply gobs of red eyeliner and defiantly blow smoke at a TV reporter during the first few minutes of the movie. Said reporter is, naturally, asking about her mom’s death from lung cancer and Corinne’s subsequent orphanhood.

Whatever, TV dude. ROCK AND ROLL HAS NO PARENTS.

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